It’s a specific kind of childlike joy surging through my muscles, tender in nature, harmonious in movement. I watch the foam of my tea crystallize and form dew-like teardrops, dripping under my tongue. I watch my cat through the window, always from afar, at a safe distance — not because I hate my little buddy, but because his hair makes my lungs collapse.

It’s been structural for a long time already; it’s just so easy to believe in individuality. My fingers form the world we live in, and my touch creates the joy we will one day surrender to. You see, I’m soft. You see, I’m lost. But most importantly, I can still observe my cat.

He’s so funny! Sometimes he chases butterflies, and the next moment, his own tail. The thought of him dying before I am able to leave my bed breaks my heart. Just think about it. I’d see his entire life through my window, never able to touch, never able to interact.

Well, then there was fog. Lots of fog. The clouds descended and painted the air wet. My eyes don’t care, though; they continue to burn the same way. It’s just that I can’t watch him play anymore. Sometimes I pretend to have caught a glimpse of his silhouette, only to ease my mind, but if I’m honest, I don’t know whether he is still alive.

Do you know this feeling, when something is so tiny it loses all sense of relation to its surroundings? You know, I think of my cat, and I’m not sure whether he can talk to bugs and climb flowers. I mean, he is kind of fat, yes, but he is also very tiny. Tiny as in cute, not specifically in terms of his body. The way his paws create pressure, or the sound of his purr — an unusual kind of tiny. If there is magic in this world, it certainly resides in him! Some spells never need to be spoken to unfurl their beauty in the soul of our world. Some spells were meant to be lived.

And there is a community of belonging; I just know that by heart. While some of us need to swallow oxygen, others find rest in ascending. Sometimes all we need is

a cat; other times, all we need is the right medication.

But what we always need is a place to hide within ourselves.